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They’ll never say that about me again ⦾ I’ve been living like this for so long that I’m used to it ⦾ I’m in the shower, my head leaning against the tile ⦾ The water runs down my face, down my neck ⦾ My hands are moving through my hair, searching for knots ⦾ I massage my scalp ⋯ I massage my face ⦾ I run water down my breasts and stomach, then back up again ⦾ I lean forward and kiss the spray from above

When I'm in the water, eyes closed, I see the world like I'm looking through a telescope ⦾ I feel this way when I'm in the water ⋯ a sharp ringing in my ears ⋯ a sense of being watched ⋯ God's birds circling overhead, but not visible through the water ⦾ As if I were alone on the lake, but was somebody else under the surface

I ran to my mother one afternoon, to tell her that I was leaving ⦾ I told her that I'd been working for hours, just to get here ⦾ I told her that my job had given me no meaning, and that I was ready to move on ⦾ Even as I spoke, she studied my face — the way my cheekbones moved against my skin, the way my eyes seemed to stare into the distance ⦾ I can't believe you got this far, she said

I'm the girl who ripped her shirt off ⋯ the girl who left her bra on ⦾ In a moment of weakness I thought, What if? ⦾ I'm a girl who talks to the mirror ⋯ a girl who fucks herself up in public ⋯ a girl who loves to get high ⋯ a girl who is getting high right now

They'll never say that about me again ⦾ I'm the girl who took her clothes off ⋯ the girl who took her bra off ⦾ In a moment of weakness I thought, What if? ⦾ With a new boyfriend, I asked him, What would you do? ⦾ He said, I'd kiss you up and down. ⦾ I thought, That sounds pretty good. ⦾ I'm a girl who kisses herself up and down ⋯ a girl who kisses herself up and down

I was in a room with a woman ⦾ It wasn’t love ⋯ it was an arrangement that made sense ⦾ She had this way of looking at me ⋯ like she knew me ⦾ She said, I always knew you'd be something important. ⦾ I said, I'm sorry? She said, You'll understand someday. ⦾ She smiled and then laughed. The sound was old and silver ⦾ She said, Don't worry about it. You'll understand someday. ⦾ She winked at me and smoothed her hair back behind her ear ⦾ Then she left the room. I didn't see her again that day ⦾ That night, I thought about how much I wanted to kiss her

The size of my teeth ⋯ the luster of my eyes ⋯ the girth of my arms ⋯ the waves of my thighs ⋯ the purr of my voice ⦾ My skin, the softness of it, the ebb and flow of it ⦾ My hair, the fire of it, the sheen of it, the weight and length of it ⦾ For the sake of the warmth I give them and myself, I stay cool ⦾ I've been waiting for this, honey ⋯ I have paid the price for the lie ⦾ I have lived my life like I was one of them, but I'm not and never will be ⦾ I'm a woman who goes to the barbecue ⋯ my stained white blouse goes with the ribs ⦾ Don't I look out of place? I'm supposed to be dead by now